The NFL is starting up on Thursday night!
Saints hope to put a-hurtin’ on those Minnesota Vikes.
Kickoff’s 8:30 (ET) in The Big Easy,
Sean Payton’s got a weapon with his boy, Drew Brees.
Cleveland takes a trip down to the Raymond J,
Where they’ll meet up for a game against Tampa Bay,
The Browns will bring their defense like an Army tank,
But, the Buccs will do their best to make them walk the plank.
What about Miami, since we’re in the state?
No, the Dolphins hit the road for their opening game.
For week 1, they will shuffle off to Buffalo,
Where the Bills are pretty happy that they ditched T.O.
T.O. is with the Bengals now, I’m sure you’ve heard,
And, they open up in Foxboro – bunch of nerds.
That last part is in reference to the Patriots,
And, I hope that Cincy whoops up good on Brady's butt!
Indy goes to Houston for their opening game,
And, Houston wants to get some sacks on “what’s-his-name?”
#18’s on his jersey, and his moves are uncanny …
Oh yeah, I just remembered - his name’s Peyton Manning.
The Broncos start their season out in Jacksonville,
Where I hope the Jags will smoke ‘em - go in for the kill.
Tebow’s fine, but there’s one thing you must remember,
Besides Oakland, there’s no team that I hate more than Denver.
Heinz Field is the venue where the Falcons will visit,
Don’t go looking for Big Ben ‘cuz he just won’t be in it.
He’ll be watching from home, instead of being right there,
Hey, can’t stay outta trouble? Then, your punishment’s fair.
Nashville lock your doors – Memphis, you do the same,
‘Cuz the Raiders play the Titans in the opening game.
The state will be invaded by those visiting thugs,
I hope Cletus hangs on tightly to his whiskey jugs.
The Panthers cruise the coast up to the Garden State,
And, I hope they clobber Eli Manning - I can’t wait!
Took a hit, then that sissy had to get stitches,
Too harsh? Well, he shouldn’t call my Chargers bitches.
The Lions make the trip to go and play the Bears,
And, had I got that job, well, I'd be working there.
But, I don’t hold a grudge too long, how about you?
Hey, can you think of something rhyming Ndamukong Suh?
Sam Bradford is the Rams QB getting the start,
At home, against the Cardinals, minus Matt Leinart.
It takes more, Matt, than good looks and your pretty white teeth,
Haven’t seen a burnout quite like you since Ryan Leaf.
Yes, I'm from Orange County, but I still love the Dodgers,
Know who else I love? That’s right – Aaron Rodgers.
The Pack is on the road because they open in Philly,
Am I hoping for an Eagles win? Don’t be silly.
Pete Carroll leads the Seahawks up in gorgeous Seattle,
He hit the road when USC was knee-deep in scandal.
But, do I love him? Yes, I do – that is fo shizzle!
The Niners will be ready for them - sunshine or drizzle.
Over on the east coast, Redskins settin’ the table,
For the Cowboys visit - here they come, ready and able.
This match-up ain't for sissies, so the history goes,
Don't you wanna punch 'ole Haynesworth right in the nose?
The Jets are hosting Baltimore, and that's the truth,
Joe Namath looks like Manilow, "Hardknocks" has the proof.
Rex Ryan cracks me up just like Butthead and Beavis,
Get your ass in gear, I’m looking at you - Darrelle Revis.
Of course, in closing, gotta get this plug in just right:
The Chargers play the Chiefs in Kansas on Monday night.
And, these teams both compete out in the AFC West,
But, c’mon folks - we all know that the Chargers are best! (truth!)
So, welcome to the season, and good luck in the pool,
To be clear, I think that Haynesworth is a really big tool.
Send your picks on time, and email any questions to me,
Have fun - good luck! Love, your commish, Tits McGee!
